Sky is Blue Again
by SailAway
Summary: Kerry discloses a painful time in her life to Sandy; they contemplate having a baby.


Author's Note: I own nothing.

  
  


Another turning point

A fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist,

directs you where to go.

  
  


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Zoom in on two women lying in bed together. One has dark hair with blonde highlights. Her arm is thrown protectively around the other. The other has short red hair, and her eyes are open. She's staring at the ceiling. 

  
  


Kerry: (turning over, propped up on one elbow) Sandy.

  
  


Sandy: (clearly not entirely awake yet) Hmm?

  
  


Kerry: Where are we going?

  
  


Sandy: (more awake now. She turns on her side to peer at Kerry) I'm planning on staying in this bed with you for as long as possible.

  
  


Kerry: No. I mean, this relationship.

  
  


Sandy: Hey, hey. What's wrong?

  
  


Kerry: I got a call last night.

  
  


Sandy: And now you're having thoughts about ending this?

  
  


Kerry: No. I don't want to end this. I love this. I-I love you. 

  
  


Sandy: (laying back down, flat on her back) Who called?

  
  


Kerry: It was my ex husband.

  
  


Sandy: Oh.

  
  


(A pause)

  
  


Kerry: It was my fault.

  
  


Sandy: You don't have to talk about it.

  
  


Kerry: We've never talked about it.

  
  


Sandy: I've asked you about him before. You told me that you didn't want to talk about it.

  
  


Kerry: Where are we going in this relationship?

  
  


Sandy: Are you changing the subject?

  
  


Kerry: No, I just need to know.

  
  


Sandy: I want to stay with you, be with you forever.

  
  


Kerry: I lost a child.

  
  


Sandy: You- what?

  
  


Kerry: It was my fault.

  
  


Sandy: Did you get divorced after that?

  
  


Kerry: Yes.

  
  


Sandy: I'm so sorry, Kerry. I never knew.

  
  


Kerry: I never told you. I never told anyone here.

  
  


Sandy: Do you want to talk about it?

  
  


Kerry: That's why I brought it up, yes.

  
  


Sandy: Kerry. . .I'm here for you, you know that. Whatever you need.

  
  


Kerry: Thank you. (Pause) My parents were missionaries in Africa. I spend a lot of my childhood there. When I was sixteen, I fell in love with an African man, named Mlungisi. He lived in Johannesburg, and was educated, and so gentle. We got married when I finished high school. I had just turned eighteen two weeks before our marriage. My parents were outraged. But I was old enough to make my own decisions, or that's how I felt, anyway. (Pause) I was pregnant. We would have waited to get married, but I couldn't. I was already four months pregnant when we got married. My baby girl was born, and she was beautiful. She had skin the color of coffee with a little bit of milk stirred in, and dark hair, and green eyes like mine. Mlungisi and I named her Hemel, which means Sky in Afrikaans. We lived together, twenty miles from the city. Mlungisi would drive into the city each day to attend college courses while I stayed at home with our daughter. She started kindergarten, and was the smartest kid in the class. She could read better than anyone else. We had her attend a private English parochial school, so she would be fluent in both English and Afrikaans. She did so well. The problem was, in South Africa, there is so many ethnic problems. Mlungisi and I weren't allowed to shop at some stores, because some people didn't think it was right for a black man and a white woman together. Our little girl couldn't attend a public school. She had her arm broken when she was in the first grade when she got in a fight with some boy who told her that she wasn't fit to live, as she wasn't black or white.

  
  


(Extended pause while Kerry wipes her eyes)

  
  


Kerry: There were more riots, which seemed to escalate even more when the AIDS virus was discovered. None of us had it, thank God. But the thought made people crazy. I brought Hemel to a shopping center one day, to buy church clothes for her. A huge riot broke out.

  
  


(Another long pause. Kerry isn't crying anymore; now, she looks determined, fierce. Sandy remains silent)

  
  


Kerry: I was so tired, and I wasn't watching her well enough. She was only seven years old. She wandered off, got caught in the crowd. I should have watched her better, especially with those kind of fierce crowds around, but I was too entranced, watching the people. I thought she was old enough to not wander off, but I was wrong. When I realized she was gone, I started yelling her name. She didn't answer. Police came and broke up the riots, but we couldn't find my daughter. The police searched and searched, but they couldn't find her. I stayed on a bench all night, hoping she would come back. Morning came, and I called home. Mlungisi had arrived during the night, and was worried because we weren't there. When I told him what had happened, he became outraged and drove to find me. He was there within a half an hour, which meant he had been speeding excessively. 

  
  


Sandy: Oh, Kerry.

  
  


Kerry: The police were still looking. We searched the area, the whole place. She didn't show up. We slept in a hotel a block from where I lost her. After a week, we returned home. We gave up on her.

  
  


Sandy: It wasn't your fault.

  
  


Kerry: I didn't watch her. I gave up on her!

  
  


Sandy: You watched her as well as you could!

  
  


Kerry: There's more. Two weeks later, the police found her. She was in a hospital. She had been badly beaten and raped. Raped! Somebody raped my baby. She was badly beaten and in a coma, and died within a few days, but at least we got to see her before she died.

  
  


Sandy: Oh, Kerry, I am so sorry.

Kerry: Mlungisi and I got divorced. He didn't want to, but I just didn't want to have to see him every day after that, knowing what I did. He still loved me, and he still loves me now, but I couldn't be with someone who loved me after what I did.

  
  


Sandy: It wasn't your fault!

  
  


Kerry: A lot of people have told me that, Sandy, but you weren't there. If you had a kid, you would make sure she was right by your side, always right there, but I neglected to do that.

  
  


Sandy: It's not healthy for you to think like that.

  
  


Kerry: I still feel like I should punish myself. She would be twenty one now.

  
  


Sandy: It's been a long time for you to still be upset over it.

  
  


Kerry: I'll always be upset about it!

  
  


Sandy: I meant that you should have come to peace with this a long time ago.

  
  


Kerry: I am at peace with it. I know what I did, I know who is at fault, and I accept that. (Short pause) She told me she wanted to be a doctor when she grows up. (Another pause) Sandy. I want to still punish myself, but I love you so much, I don't see how I possibly can.

  
  


Sandy: Why should you punish yourself? Some sick monster killed your daughter. You didn't do anything. I bet you were a wonderful mother. I bet you could be a wonderful mother again.

  
  


Kerry: I'm too afraid to ever have kids again.

  
  


Sandy: I've always wanted kids.

  
  


Kerry: I know you do.

  
  


Sandy: Kerry, I love you, and I think that you have had quite a long time to punish yourself. I think that your punishment is over, and that now you should resign yourself to the fact that we are in love.

  
  


Kerry: I know.

  
  


Sandy: I want to have a baby together.

  
  


Kerry: (pause, eyes wide) What?

  
  


Sandy: I can go to one of those artificial insemination places, and we'll make a baby.

  
  


Kerry: Sandy, no.

  
  


Sandy: Lightening doesn't strike the same place twice.

  
  


Kerry: You don't know that. I don't feel comfortable having another kid.

  
  


Sandy: I won't do it if you don't want me to, but I really want kids. I want lots of kids. I want to play baseball with them outside, and read to them at night.

  
  


Kerry: I used to read to Hemel every night before she went to bed. She really liked Dr. Suess.

  
  


Sandy: I know that what happened so long ago is still haunting you.

  
  


Kerry: I really love kids, though.

  
  


Sandy: A little baby. 

  
  


Kerry: (sad laugh) What if I say yes, and then when we finally have a baby, I get too freaked out and I leave?

  
  


Sandy: I know you, Kerry. And I know that you stick with what you say.

  
  


Kerry: I don't want another Hemel.

  
  


Sandy: No one could ever replace her for you. You'll never forget her. Kerry. Today you told me something that you haven't told anyone here before. You have opened up to me. I think we should take the next step.

  
  


Kerry: I love you.

  
  


Sandy: I love you. So what do you say?

  
  


Kerry: I say that you are a very good arguer, and that you are going to be changing the diapers.

  
  


(Both laugh. Sandy looks completely delighted)

  
  


Sandy: We're going to have a baby!

  
  


Kerry: We're going to have a baby. (She looks very worried. She smiles at Sandy, but her heart is beating rapidly. She is terrified.)

  
  
  
  


Coming soon- Chapter 2!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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